why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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