There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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