My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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