Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
