Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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