Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
