After last night, I could never be a politician.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
