Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
