she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
