Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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