I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
