There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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