I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
