just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
