yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
