Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
