He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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