oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
