she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
