ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
