I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you didnt know i had herpes?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
