There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
