At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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