I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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