i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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