Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
