You can't special order awesome
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
