The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
