Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
