Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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