I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
