Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize