i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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