I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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