you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
