I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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