I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
