let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
