i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
