I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
two words...techno handjob
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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