took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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