I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
