You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
