Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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