Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someone shit on the floor
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
