I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
