You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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