You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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