New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
