I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
