I wish life had little blips of pornography
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
