He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
