Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
