I cut my penus on the lid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
