watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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