also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
