I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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