3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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