toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
