Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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