does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
