I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
