I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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