Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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