Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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