addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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